New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
