after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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