captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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