He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
This is my gift to your gina
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
