Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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