he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize