I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
