My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
