I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
