this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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