So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
