the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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