you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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