Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize