I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
