It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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