Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
