oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
