It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
