Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
