I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
