I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize