you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
