wrigley field is MILF paradise
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
