Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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