Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I deserve this hangover.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
