What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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