cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
