dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
