so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize