...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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