Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
