I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
