Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
In other news, I just burned my penis
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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