It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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