My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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