Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
