he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
