I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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