mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
two words...techno handjob
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
