He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize