I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
