That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
