thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
