I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
