WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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