I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
