my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
did i walk over a car last night?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
