he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
