she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize