I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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