i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
