Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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