i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Randomize