The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
