the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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