dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
