Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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