It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize