I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
