Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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