omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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