The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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