i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
40s are totally the cure
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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