i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
