I think I am morally bankrupt
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
