she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
