i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
