what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
